For some years the topic of shared parenting has been a popular theme for those involved with arrangements for children after the separation of their parents. Lone fathers groups have been very vocal and achieved a high profile in arguing for a presumption of shared parenting.

There has been discussion about what that means: some say a strict mathematical approach to equally dividing the children’s time with each parent (which generally doesn’t pay first regard for what is in the children’s best interests) others that it is about sharing all the important decisions about arrangements for children.

Last year a report commissioned by the Government, the Family Justice Review, concluded against a presumption of shared parenting (by which it meant substantially shared or equal time for both parents).

However, the Government clearly think more needs to be done to protect the interests of children following separation, as in the Queen’s Speech a few days ago, it was proposed that the Government consult on how to change the law “so more children have a relationship with both parents if families break up” where that is safe and in their best interests.

Justice Minister Jonathan Djanogly said that the Bill will make it law that before starting a court action concerning arrangements for children it will be a prior condition to consider family mediation as the government feel that family mediation can be cheaper , quicker and provide better outcomes for the children and parents.

I am interested to see how the government will achieve its aims as these same themes have been debated for many many years. So watch this space!

In April 2011 court rules were introduced in the family court to make it necessary for anyone wanting to start a court application regarding children or financial issues to first to attend a meeting with a family mediator to find out about mediation and other alternatives to court. These are called Mediation Information and Assessment Meetings or “MIAMS” for short.

Resolution, an organisation for divorce solicitors, has just published some results of a survey of its members. “Resolution is a group of over 6,500 family lawyers and professionals in England and Wales. It promotes a non-confrontational, constructive approach to resolving family disputes.”
The survey was carried out last month and received replies from users of over 100 courts in England and Wales. 114 of their members responded.

There was clearly a huge difference in the way courts were interpreting the new rules;

“· 56% of survey respondents said that court staff are not regarding it as compulsory that a party issuing an application should show evidence of having attended a MIAM.

· 78% of respondents said that their local courts are not making an enquiry at the first court hearing or even at all, as to whether alternative dispute resolution is appropriate.”

In a recent speech to Resolution members, the President of the Family Division, Sir Nicholas Wall, urged practitioners to press the court to make proper use of its powers to encourage parties to use alternatives to court, at every stage of a court process.

This article caught my attention as it gave one man’s experience of divorcing.
http://goodmenproject.com/divorce/what-no-one-tells-you-about-divorce/
The author concluded by saying “
If you really think divorce is the only answer, don’t lie, cheat or ruin your spouse. This will destroy any trust between you and her during the divorce. Divorce proceedings that lack trust will ruin your life. It will cost tens of thousands of dollars (or hundreds of thousands); you’ll lawyer up and find yourself in court. Be honest, come clean, give and see it from their side and you might make it without sinking the ship.”
It can be very difficult at a very emotional time to sort matters out face to face. However, whilst divorce lawyers can be very useful it is easy to hand over control of your family’s future and in the process spend lots of money better used for family purposes. This is a good example of when it helps to use family mediation.

Welcome to my blog.

What I want to achieve is to give my readers information to help them in making the transition from being one part of a relationship to adjusting to life apart and to do it as successfully as can be done for yourself as well as for any children you might have.

So I will be giving links to articles and websites that I think might be of help. I will not be giving advice. I’m aiming to give solutions to readers problems and also to be of general interest to anyone involved in the area I’m writing about.

What is very helpful for someone separating is to learn what has helped or hindered other people. I’d therefore like to build an atmosphere of involvement and community so please use the Contact Me page to let me know your comments, suggestions and stories . I can then add them to my blog but I will not add postings making personal or offensive comments.

So please let me know what you would find helpful. Have a look around the website for more information about Evolve Mediation.